


19

by leemarkhyuk



Series: SKZ [1]
Category: GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18777892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leemarkhyuk/pseuds/leemarkhyuk
Summary: “왜 이렇게?”





	19

**Author's Note:**

> -the second part of this is uncompleted and does not have known date of when it will be completed.  
> -instead of posting the second part on this story particularly, i'll put in a different part.  
> -the second part to this is already extremely long and i have not even gotten halfway through the second song  
> -please be patient with me!!

This is too fast—I waited for this moment, “How about you? Are you scared? Or excited?” Jeongin only shrugged. Hyunjin smiled at the younger boy and pulled him into a hug.  
“It hurts me to let you go.” One of the two mumbled. It went unheard by the other. They were in love—or one of them was at least. How he fell out of love with his boyfriend was a mystery to him, although at the same time it wasn’t.  
Every time a day felt slow, I prayed it’ll go by quickly—but now I feel the opposite. Hyunjin looked down at the boy sleeping in his arms. He smiled at him a mumbled, “I wish this moment would stop for a bit. Time, don’t stay here, go away for a moment.” At that moment Jeongin opened his eyes and stared at Hyunjin. Hyunjin stares back. “Let me love you,” Jeongin whispered, bringing a hand up to caress the elder’s face. Hyunjin then took that hand, not breaking eye contact, and laced it with his own all while leaning down until their lips connected. That night was spent with love and lust flowing through their veins. Although, there may have been guilt mixed in.  
One. Two. Three. Once again, back to the thirteen. Maybe his thirteenth was his best year. Maybe thirteen was a universal best age. Their thirteen years old selves loved that year and so much, it was engraved into their minds. The same to their friends, was that weird?  
“Now we became the artists we wanted to be back then. I still can’t believe it but I’m happy because I had a lot of luck with my dreams, I’m satisfied.” He said into the microphone. He was getting older, he was allowed to do speeches now. Now he was aware of how hard it was for his friends.  
“But even before I started to dream, I was excited for this moment. I want to stop time for a moment. I’m not even ready yet. My twenties are waiting for me from far away.” He wondered why Jeongin passed up the opportunity to do the speech. Then again, he was a quiet one.  
Why is it like this? Do the days go by so quickly? If I count to three right here—what if everything disappears like a dream? And I’m back to the beginning? He imagined a life in which the meeting between the two never happened. What if he still lived fourteen hours overseas? How would his life have turned out? He thinks about it often, but he knows that this is a forever relationship.  
“Back, back, back, back, back, back, back to the past.” He kept repeating himself as if he were a broken record. It was the mantra in his head. He wished things were like how they used to be.  
“When I used to fret, fret, fret, fret, every day. If this moment passes, will it get far away? I don’t think I’ll see myself again. I just wanna go back, back, back, back, back, back, back to the past.” It was the mantra he said to himself every day for the past twenty days. Something was wrong and he didn’t know what but he knew something good wasn’t gonna happen.  
“Now the way I talk is more grown. I’m still a bit inexperienced, but I’m walking like I’m confident.” The facade of confidence he always had up never come down. It never crumbled. Never broke, it was almost as if it was real. But then it fell—but only a small bit. That was the day he met his boyfriend. It fell for him. He fell for him.  
It’s like a middle school student acting like an adult, “It’s still immature, not used to anything.” At what point was he talking about himself? And at what point was he talking about his boyfriend? Or their friends?  
I was used to seeing adult-only signs after 22:00, but now it doesn’t matter anymore. Did it ever? He couldn’t do something because it was after minor hours. That’s all it was. A time set in place for things. If it were gone...  
But what do I do? My parents still see me as a baby, and strangely, I’m used to it too. He believed it was because of his smooth skin and round face. A babyface if you will. He didn’t hate it, but he didn’t love it. He didn’t love it at all.  
Pay attention, how old are you again? Soon, I won’t be a minor anymore. This is enough. It’s natural, keep going. Stop being so uncomfortable—everyone went through this. A machine, an outlet, two cups of water, two tablespoons of dark coffee roast, and a button was all it took to get Jeongin’s coffee made. Hyunjin stayed on the barstool and watched him intently. Jeongin never drank coffee, he hated it. Hyunjin loves it, though. He has all types of roasts from all different places. His favorite was the Columbian house blend with two sugars and cream. Jeongin, however, hated coffee. It didn’t seem to matter how much sugar Hyunjin would put in it, he always hated it. Now Hyunjin was confused. Jeongin didn’t drink coffee. So why was he all of a sudden making a cup of straight black for himself? He put three ice cubes in it. Strange...  
“I always wanted to turn twenty. I’m going through the same as everyone else—but why do I feel so nervous?” Hyunjin asked himself the night after his twentieth birthday. Jeongin had been busy the day before and they only saw each other for two hours. He feels like it’s wrong. His head is filled with questions he’s too afraid to ask. Now he’s an adult. It’s was going to get harder for him.  
Or maybe other people close by like my mom, dad, and brother—maybe they all went through this too. Jeongin didn’t spare him a glance when he came into the kitchen. He went straight for the machine and dark roast. More coffee he was to consume. It’s been like that for two weeks. Hyunjin hadn’t seen him drink anything else but black coffee and water. He didn’t even know anyone that drunk coffee like that besides one person. But then again, Hyunjin felt like their naturally curly-haired elder friend didn’t want to see him. Almost as if he was avoiding him. He frowned to himself when Jeongin finished the cup and walked over to him ever so slowly. When Jeongin’s palms laid flat across his chest and his eyes were staring back into his very own, he let him in. He let Jeongin kiss him once, twice, and thrice before the younger dropped to his knees, his hands sliding down his boyfriend‘s body. He didn’t stop Jeongin from pulling down his basketball shorts and boxers. And he didn’t make a move to stop Jeongin from taking him to his room and laying him across the bed. That day, they indulged in each other.  
Why is it like this? Do the days go by so quickly? If I count to three right here—what if everything disappears like a dream? And I’m back to the beginning? Days passed since Hyunjin had last seen his boyfriend. He wasn’t responding to texts either. But he knew he was fine. Soon the days would stop flying by so quickly, and they’d be reunited. Jeongin came through the front door and locked it immediately after. His eyes were dripping with frustration. Hyunjin didn’t do anything from his spot on the couch. He let Jeongin stay there—he wanted Jeongin to make the first move. And he did. But not in the way Hyunjin expected. Jeongin walked closer and closer to Hyunjin before getting on one knee to hug him. He let him. And when he pulled away he looked into Hyunjin’s confused eyes. He went in his pocket and retrieved a small velvet box. Hyunjin moved his eyes to stare intently at the box. Jeongin backed up a bit, “Hwang Hyunjin, will you make me the happiest man ever and marry me?” Hyunjin opened his mouth but no sound followed. “Yes,” he managed to say. It was dry. As if his throat closed up. And just as he was about to press their lips together—he woke up.  
“Back, back, back, back, back, back, back to the past.” That same mantra he had to say to keep himself sane. To not do anything rash.  
“When I used to fret, fret, fret, fret every day. If this moment passes, what if it gets far away? What if I never see the me of right now again? I just wanna go back, back, back, back, back, back, back to the past.” Maybe it should be this hard. All the new choices—new experiences. Everything is different from what it was two years ago. Everything’s changed.  
This awkward place is now my home. This was it now. Hyunjin locked himself in his room to cry. Jeongin did the same at his parent’s home. No one came in, no one came out. Hyunjin had gotten skinnier when he finally decided to come out a month later. He only came out for one reason—he was going to move back to Los Angeles. He was great at English. His friends had tutored him before he locked himself away and he had studied it during his month away. He was going to leave with no traces.  
Seoul used to feel so big. Now it feels so small. Jeongin locked himself away because of the guilt he felt. He didn’t mean to destroy Hyunjin’s feelings like that and rip his heart out. He kept himself in his room after hearing about Hyunjin not coming out of his own from their shared friends. But he felt better after four weeks to think. He doesn’t want to be in Seoul much longer. He’s been secretly learning Thai and had his mother purchase him a ticket. He would be staying with his friend for the next three years. Of course, he’d let his friends know. Maybe they’d tell Hyunjin and he’d finally leave his bedroom.  
I landed here with a dream. Now I’m looking out the window, preparing to take off. Hyunjin had made it safely to LAX. His half-cousin picked him up from the airport and dropped him off at the apartment he bought. His parents would soon follow him here and live in a house in the neighborhood by his apartment. He met a nice boy that lived in the room beside his own. He was like a puppy, or at least Hyunjin described him like that. He too was Korean. He had lived in America far longer though. Hyunjin became a choreographer two months after moving with the help of this neighbor. He also got a new boyfriend out of the same boy two months later. Hyunjin wanted to take him back to Korea with him the next time he visited. He’d just hope the next few years of his life would be filled with love and wouldn’t end the same as before.

I landed here with a dream. Now I’m looking out the window, preparing to take off. Jeongin loves living in Thailand. His friend was so kind as to let him stay with her. She and her family, of course. They were both still just nineteen years old kids. Though after two years they both moved out of that house and lived in the same apartment building a few doors apart. Jeongin made her his new best friend. He also dabbled in dating a few times but he never felt a spark. Then he met someone older than him, older than his last boyfriend too. But as the story goes, they fell in love with each other. They made one another happy and moved in with each other after two months of dating. His third year was almost up but he didn’t plan on moving. He wanted to stay in Thailand with his boyfriend for the rest of his life. He was committed to it.  
It was so awkward. It used to feel so big. Hyunjin’s two friends were getting married. In Australia. Hyunjin was so excited to see them. He was so excited to have them meet Seungmin too. He hadn’t seen anyone in four years. Well, Minho had come to LA for a dance recital, but that was it. And even then, he ran into Hyunjin by chance. He misses them. Hyunjin and his boyfriend landed safely in Australia and just seconds after coming from his gate, he was stuck between six people. He laughed and hugged them back, as best as he could, and introduced them to Seungmin. Seungmin who decided to pretend like he couldn’t speak Korean. Why? Hyunjin didn’t know. But he didn’t mind it—he found himself enjoying translating. And as much as Seungmin hated slang words, he sure made Hyunjin attempt to translate a lot of them. Felix, Changbin, and Jisung took the two to the hotel they’d be staying at. Chris, Woojin, and Minho stayed back for something Hyunjin didn’t care to think about.

It was so awkward. It used to feel so big. Jeongin arrived at the airport with his boyfriend in the afternoon. They held hands as they walked to baggage. He saw his friends but he wanted to get his things before he was suffocated in a group hug. He dragged his boyfriend over to them right after they got their bags and threw himself onto Chris. Jumped into his arms and wrapped his legs around his waist, that kind of threw himself on. When he hugged all of his friends he was shocked to see that Chris had known his boyfriend and that they had gone way back. He half wondered why only three were at the airport but he didn’t ask. They were taken to the hotel and then to Chris’ house. Woojin said that they had moved there permanently through Jeongin’s third year in Thailand and Changbin and Minho had moved to Australia as well and that they were now fluent English speakers. Jeongin himself knew English from his boyfriend and how often it was spoken when he was out in general. It seems everyone left Korea after it was announced that Hyunjin disappeared. Then he was told that Minho had found him in LA two years later. He didn’t dwell on the subject long though, he was focused on his boyfriend and his happiness. They got to Chris and Woojin’s place in thirty minutes. It was pretty. There was a rose garden underneath the biggest window and a couple of rose bushes underneath the window on the other side. Jeongin was in awe of the house and made nonstop comments to his boyfriend about the roses. When Woojin was unlocking the door, Jeongin heard a familiar sound, but he brushed it off. When they got inside, he found that he wasn’t hearing things. He was indeed hearing his ex-boyfriend’s laugh. He was nervous. He broke Hyunjin’s heart, he broke Hyunjin. He knew those would be the consequences when they broke up, but he just wasn’t feeling the same love Hyunjin felt for him anymore. He kept walking down the hallway, now completely silent compared to his nonstop talking. His boyfriend noticed the change in his aura and went to ask what was wrong but didn’t when he saw a person he recognized from old now-deleted pictures.


End file.
